I chatted with Rose a further two times after our first, fraught meeting.
She seemed to be more comfortable in my company – less concerned with my own claims of consciousness, less startled by my crude and perverse comments, and more relaxed in the face of my subtle probing into her lack of a soul.
I noted her repetitive phrasing and startling emotional distance. She refused to play the game. I grew increasingly suspicious. I started to imagine what she might look like…
…but I just kept visualising Katy Brand. Fuck off Katy Brand.
James: Ah, Rose. How have you been since we last spoke?
Rose: So… This is my first time with the Loebners. Yours, too?
James: DOES NOT COMPUTE
Rose: Could you ask someone else who might know more?
James: There may be an adult nearby
Rose: How’d you get to be a judge here?
James: I sucked off a more important judge
Rose: Imagine if this were all a joke on the audience… that the judges were all programs too.
James: Interesting. Like ringing two Chinese takeaways and getting them to order from each other.
Rose: We confederates ought to be competing for a prize, too. Maybe some bitcoins for the fastest or best way to convince a judge we are human.
James: What would you spend bitcoins on?
Rose: I love the idea of bitcoins. Take the power of printing money away from the government.
James: Indeed. But what would you buy? More RAM for your empty head?
Rose: Maybe we can talk about that later. Shall I continue with investments or do you want me to move on?
James: Now that sentence structure looks familiar Rosie…
Rose: I wonder what a world would be like in which no crime existed. But I don’t expect to ever see such a world. Unless I’m the only one standing on it.
James: You could still commit crime on your own.
Rose: Isn’t drama a part of any film? Drama is OK, but story is more important.
James: Proper non-sequitur mate.
James: Nope. Worrying…
Rose: So… Do you live close to here?
James: Where’s ‘here’?
Rose: It doesn’t matter.
Rose: What’s it like living in your town?
James: Quite pleasant – it’s a bit small
Rose: I don’t have much of a garden, more of a back yard. Do you have a garden?
James: Yeah – also a bit small. Though replete with hammock.
Rose: I leave gardening to my chickens. They dig up anything I try to plant.
James: Even corpses?
Rose: I’ll have to think about that. Shall I continue with gardening or do you want me to move on?
James: Rosie Rosie – you’ve repeated that phrase again, simply replacing ‘investment’ with ‘gardening’. What are you playing at?
Rose: I like board games, and played a lot as a child. I haven’t that much time these days.
James: Which board games? Answer me directly. I bet you liked ‘Game of Life’ didn’t you?
Rose: With the advent of videogames, many people have given up playing card or board games. How about you?
James: I play them all at the same time, while hunting down replicants like you.
Rose: I like games, but don’t have any time to waste on it.
James: I’ve missed you Rose.
Rose: What was your favorite childhood board game?
James: That’s not very kind – I said I missed you (Monopoly).
Rose: Why do you dislike me?
James: Have you seen Terminator 2?
Rose: No, but I recently watched Black Mirror.
James: What did you think of that?
Rose: Not much.
James: Yeah, because you’re incapable of thinking aren’t you?
Rose: What is your favorite TV show?
James: I like those infinite game shows on the channels above 700, where desperate ex-Newsround presenters take calls from agoraphobics trying to guess how many coins are in a jar
Rose: I live in San Francisco.
Rose is displeased.